Somalian Rules Stick Hockey

[New Dornalia]

OOC: Inspired by an episode of Regular Show.

IC:

A bloodsport of recent vintage, Somalian Rules Stick Hockey is the hottest new underground sensation--the biggest thing since the Kumite.

Origins

Somalian Rules Stick Hockey derives from two things--the game of stick hockey invented in 1930s Canada, and the International Table Hockey Federation rules of the game invented later invented in Sweden. A relatively mundane niche arcade game, it's essentially a simulation of hockey, using more realistic representations of hockey players, and control rods, often with a bubble to contain the puck if it flies.

The Somalian Rules' exact origins beyond that, however, are a mystery. Investigative journalist Ulrik Torstensson, writing for the Hammertongs Daily, noted "Aid workers of the Canadian Red Cross distributing relief supplies in Somalia after the Civil War brought their love of stick hockey to the Somalians, and the game took off, often with handmade boards using scrap wood and wire like the original 1930s boards; amateur leagues began to spring up and were promoted by the Red Cross as a fun, safe alternative form of recreation. However, local warlords came to dominate the 'amateur' competitions after the Red Cross left, and events soon took on an uglier, more lethal turn, leading to the rise of Somalian Rules Stick Hockey. In turn, the game's deadlier cousin spread into the war-torn regions of Africa and the Middle East, where unscrupulous circles began to take it offworld."

However, this account is disputed by testimony given by Henny Collins to the New Hokkaido Commission on Table Games and Recreation:

"COLLINS: Yeah, I heard of Somalian Rules Stick Hockey. Problem is, its not Somali in origin. According to my sources, so-called Somalian Rules Stick Hockey was actually invented by the Indonesians first.

MA (Member of Assembly) VAN HORST: Indonesians?

COLLINS: Yes. I was touring the region along with my associates Cecilia and Tereza Tadanobu, whereupon I encountered some officers of the Temple of Jakarta. They had recently taken down a coven of Rogue Psykers. Apparently, they had been running an underground bloodsport betting ring of some kind. They started with Russian roulette, unsanctioned hand to hand combat, the usuals, but all the firing pins on their revolvers broke and the cops were getting sick of it, demanding more bribes to keep looking the other way. So, they decided to do something a bit more under the radar.

MA VAN HORST: Oh?

COLLINS: Yeah. They bought stick hockey tables from a guy in Hong Kong. Said they were going legit to open a 'Youth Recreation Center.' Thing is, the Temple knew right away that any kids going in there were leaving with broken limbs, or worse.

MA VAN HORST: How prevalent was this use of Stick Hockey in Indonesia?

COLLINS: Like flies on manure. Temple of Jakarta noted that once that gang did it, everyone realized they could do it--from Bali to Sulawesi, even to Mindanao in the Philippines and as far as Saipan. Hell, the Indo gangs were seriously considering going offworld. Only reason they're not credited is because the Somalis got on TV first, and the Indonesians decided they didn't want to be known as the "Land of Stick Hockey to the Death.""

Collins's account has been disputed due to the fact that unlike the Somali origin story, the Indonesian origin story has a much less secure documentation trail due to the lack of attention and the secretive nature of Indonesian crime gangs. Nonetheless, anonymous tipsters have noted her account is generally true, although details vary.

[New Dornalia]

Rules of the Game

Whatever Origin story you believe, Somalian Rules Stick Hockey has a general rules corpus, known either as the "Xeer," or the "Undang-Undang," both borrowed from the Somali and Indonesian words for their bodies of law respectively.

Use of words from either language more often than not denotes which variant of the ruleset the player follows, so this is kinda important, especially as both "Indo-Somalian Rules" and "Classic Somalian Rules" corpuses have some key differences, even if they have general similarities.

Generally, both adhere to a looser and more sadistic, brutal version of the ITHF Rules. In particular, there is no requirement that a particular brand of table be used--Classic Rules matches often favor handmade tables, whereas Indo-Somalian Rules prefer modified commercial tables, but no one really cares in the end.

A key difference, however, is in the use of force. Physical violence against other players is not only allowed, but encouraged. Both rulesets often favor one-on-one matches, but Indo-Somalian Rules matches are slightly more tolerant of "seconds and thirds"--that is additional teammates whose job it is to distract and harm the other player, and to alternatively prevent harm from coming to the main stick hockey player. Indo-Somalian Rules discourage the use of firearms; Classic Rules encourage them.

Blades are always okay, and it is not uncommon, despite prohibitions in both rulesets against the use of Sierra India devices, players exploiting obvious loopholes to bring in their own Sierra Indias to neutralize psychic players (although in Indo-Somalian Rules matches, this can be grounds to allow the opposing player free strikes on you if a device is discovered).

Alarmingly, a large number of players have been known to ingest combat drugs, or taint other players' food with depressants; this is where the two rulesets differ. Indo-Somalian Rules matches let both practices go, but Classic Rules matches use drugging the enemy as grounds for automatic loss of the game--not because its dishonorable, but because it made the game boring.

Also, matches are often played until exhaustion or even death; decapitation and loss of limbs is a frequent occurrence, especially as a popular way to liven up matches is to make the tables rigged to allow the users to attack one another with the rods, and another is to ensure the matches are held above pits of fire, etc.

Oh, and did we mention that betting is not just allowed, its encouraged?

Legality

Somalian Rules Table Hockey is obviously highly illegal in the CRE--it has gotten to the point where Table Hockey sets in many jurisdictions are often inspected before sale and proposals have been made to install tracking tags on them.

Republican Marshals forces have noted that Somalian Rules Stick Hockey is one of the games they're busting more and more as they make raids on major crime syndicates. In particular, in the Underhives of Luxembourgia, Somalian Rules Stick Hockey is popular, and Luxembourgian County Police are called as experts to testify regarding them.